After 28 years as an educator and Blocks To Flow Coach, Caitlin McVean reached a crossroads that so many caregivers, teachers, and nurturers quietly face:
“Do I know enough to live differently?”
“Is it okay to choose myself?”
“What happens if I stop surviving and start listening?”
In this vulnerable and deeply human conversation, Caitlin shares how she made the courageous decision to put her health and happiness above everything for the first time in her life, a choice that became the doorway to her becoming a certified Wholistic NeuroGrowth Success Coach using the Blocks to Flow method.
Caitlin’s journey isn’t just about a career change; it’s about an identity change. It’s about learning to trust yourself, to honor your system, and to rewrite the narrative you’ve been living inside for decades.
Today, she helps others find that same turning point: the moment they recognize they are worthy of ease, worthy of flow, and capable of a life that feels like theirs again.
If you or someone you love is navigating stress, dysregulation, burnout, or the quiet ache of “there must be more,” this episode offers hope, direction, and the gentle reminder:
It only takes one moment to change everything.
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Watch the episode here
Listen to the podcast here
The Moment Everything Changes With Caitlin McVean
Coach Caitlin On Rewriting Your Story, Restoring Your System, And Choosing Yourself For The First Time
Coach Caitlin, welcome. How are you?
I’m good. Thank you, Kohila.
How To Ground Yourself: The Deep Belly Breathing Method
Amazing. When we start this conversation, Caitlin, I’d like to start with something to ground us. Most of the time, what we do is we always start thinking about the past, and other times, we’re so worried about the future. We’re also not here. Right here. We don’t come here, live here. I’d like to start this by bringing us here and the readers here right now in the presence. What do you do to bring yourself to here and now?
I do a lot of deep belly breathing. I would say that’s the biggest thing because I carry a lot of my stress in my midsection. As soon as I feel that tightening, taking that deep breath, planting my feet flat on the ground really helps me to calm and focus for whatever it is that I’m doing.
Can you share with us one that’s your favorite?
I really like the deep belly breathing. I usually put one hand on my belly, one hand on my heart. I usually breathe in through my nose for, we’ll say 4 counts, and then hold it for 4, and then release it, always longer than what you breathed in for. Releasing for 6 counts. In for 4, hold for 4, and release for 6.
Perfect. Let’s do two more. It feels good. Hold for 4, then release for 6.
Breathe in.
Hold and release. Awesome. Thank you so much. That feels good, doesn’t it?
It does.
Less tension in the neck.
I carry a lot of tension in my shoulders.
Blocks To Flow: The Origin Of Self-Criticism From Ballet & Conditioning
Not just you, all of us too, because we’re working like this. We’re holding it like this. Sometimes we sleep like this. Just these breathing, just bringing ourself now and here helps us to just relax. Thank you. That is good. I think we all do that, not just yourself. When you think of the phrase blocks to flow, what moment in your life comes to your mind first?
I don’t know if it’s a specific moment, but for me, my blocks have always come from being too much in my head and listening to those negative narrative things that we tell ourselves, like, “You need to be better. I’m not good enough yet,” comparing myself to other people. I grew up in the world of ballet, where you always compared yourself to everyone else. Your feedback was always criticism, and also body image and things like that were huge. That just became a part of who I was. Really, it was always in the background with every decision I made. Whether I took a risk or not depended on what I was telling myself in my head.
These were things you didn’t create. They shared it with you. As a child, when you were going to ballet classes, you received them.
I got them from everywhere. I had parents who had very high expectations of me. I was on a highly critical environment with dance. I was also hard on myself and just a perfectionist. Bad combination.
When did you really identify that, “This is what I’m dealing with?”
I think I always knew it was there, but I never challenged it until I was going through the coaching certification with you. I learned that I could change that narrative, that I could challenge it. I’m not saying that I don’t have those voices in my head, but I’m aware of them now and I’m trying to change them. Sometimes, it means pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and embracing that fear of not being perfect. It’s been really worthwhile. It’s life changing when you start to realize that you’re in control and that you don’t need to repeat the same patterns.
You’re now recognizing these patterns that you have been conditioned. The sport that you took on, and then the expectations that were implemented. Now you’re a very successful person. You were a principal before. Now you’re retired. Going through all of that, this must have been hard because you were a leader.
I was. I tried to always lead with compassion. I definitely was in education because I value what educators provide for children. I love working with children. I realize now that being an administrator, which I was for the last ten years of my career, didn’t fit who I was at the soul level and why I was in education. It became much more of a managerial position and not as much the opportunity to really interact and inspire kids, which is why I had gotten into it. It’s hard to explain it. It became more of a job instead of a passion. It didn’t really fit with who I was.
The Missing Link In Education: Why We’re So Disconnected & Struggling
More robotic, more just going in and out. Even though this passion is there, you’re not able to fulfill it at the workplace. Passion’s there, but it’s not being fulfilled. To you, it was just another job, and it’s not because that we transform other people’s life. That’s why we go into this profession. It cannot be a job. For any teacher, any administrator, it’s not a job. They know that. That’s what we go in with. The environment and how it’s structured eventually eat us up. I understand. I totally get it. Now you’re a Certified Wholistic NeuroGrowth Success Coach. Looking from now outside, looking back into the classroom, what do you think is missing? What is the missing link? Why are we struggling right now?
I think we’re struggling with human connection, and I think the classrooms are getting busier and busier. We’re seeing a lot more trauma in children. We experienced a global trauma with COVID that I think changed the way teachers themselves are able to handle things in the classroom. They’re tired because there’s a lot of pressure being put on teachers. They don’t necessarily have the patience to really take the time to be curious and find out why the behaviors are happening, why kids are struggling. I think parents, to some extent, are feeling the same way. There’s a lot of pressure on families.
We’re in a digital age where connection is not as deep as it used to be. The quality time that families spend together, the quality time that kids spend with their friends, isn’t happening. I think that’s a big thing. It’s also a pretty sedentary society that we live in. Parents are very anxious about wanting to protect their kids from everything.
Schools don’t want to run the risk of somebody getting hurt so that active outdoor play and things like that aren’t happening as much. The connection and that physical interaction with one another, I think, are two things that are missing. If we had the time to really connect with kids on an individual level and get to know what’s going on with them, I think we could make so much more of a difference. That’s what we do as coaches.
Rewriting Your Story: If we took the time to connect with kids individually and really understand what’s going on with them, we could make a much bigger difference — that’s what we do as coaches.
We’re so connected that we’re so disconnected these days. We think we’re connected because we can reach anybody around the world right now, sitting right here. That does give us that illusion of, “I’m connected. I’m really connected. I can talk to anyone and everyone. I can even see them online.” Unfortunately, that kind of connection is not what our body craves for. It’s more physical, being in present playing and running around for kids is so important. That’s just missing. Now that you’re a coach, looking at blocks to flow, if somebody’s reading, how does it actually help them? When I’m blocked, a lot of the time, I don’t even know I’m blocked.
I think that’s the thing. I’m including myself in this. We weren’t taught what is going on inside of us and how we can be in control of that. The blocks to flow that we’re having, and they’re different for everybody, are things that we can control. We need to become aware of those first. We need to know how we can control that, how we can regulate our nervous system.
It takes a lot of practice, but it also takes a lot of trial and error to find what works for each individual. I know when I was in the school system, I was very big on mental health and well-being, but it was really a generic mental health and well-being program. We would post breathing strategies. We would have a calming corner in the classrooms. We would run activities to build a connection with kids, but it wasn’t on an individual level, and it wasn’t necessarily what each person needed.
With the coaching, the strategies come later. It’s really learning about your system first, learning about what are the things that are stopping you from being successful or from learning, from thriving at school. We just expect as educators that you’re ready to go when you come into school, you’re ready to learn. There’s so much more work that needs to be done. I think it’s really important.
I am 53 years old now, and it’s taken me this long to realize that I’m the one that’s in control and that I can change the stories that I’m telling myself and I can change the way my body reacts to stress. I can calm that in order for me to move forward and to thrive. I don’t want kids waiting that long. I think we’re just in a perfect spot to really change the way the generations to come are going to learn this first and not have to wait until they’re in their 50s to figure it all out.
Beyond Tips & Tricks: Connecting To Your Blocked System
As you said, we have all of these, we know all of these things. It’s not about knowing that I have to breathe, I have to calm myself down. It’s not about that. You’ve already said it. It’s strategies and tips and tricks. We have so many of them, but you cannot apply to a system that’s blocked and that’s not aware of the blocks. We are a living system. If I don’t even know why I am breathing, I can’t connect to it authentically. I’m just doing it what it’s telling me. I should breathe.
There are so many ways to breathe. Just telling a child to breathe isn’t going to even have an impact on them because if they’re going, “I’m breathing,” it’s not calming their system at all.
Also, if they don’t know why it’s an order, then it’s like you’re asking them to do something that at that time they don’t know the why behind it. It’s not being effectively done. That’s why applying any of these on a blocked system, we are made out of all these subsystems. We are functioning as a whole person, as a soul. A soul needs to understand where the blocks are before they can even apply any of this. We need to customize it because every soul is different.
Whatever works for me, it’s going to work for Caitlin or anyone else. Thank you for sharing that. This connection. It also comes through blocks to flow because when we connect with our body, we talked about connection earlier, not just connecting with each other, but we need to come back and connect with ourselves. Would you say that has been something that you’ve been able to do in the past, connecting to you authentically?
Absolutely. Just identifying where I hold my tension, where I hold my stress. I’ve always known that I carry a lot of it in my midsection. Now the instant that I feel that, I start analyzing it and questioning why am I feeling that? What is triggering that response in my system? Being able to center myself and ground myself, I’m usually able to figure out why that’s happening and process that in a different way. Whereas before, I think that would get the best of me.
I’ve suffered from migraines for most of my life and irritable bowel because I just accepted that tension and lived with that tension instead of actually processing it and dealing with it. It’s very empowering to be able to do that and to be able to take control of your system when it’s responding like that. That’s why it’s giving us the signals. It’s not just punishing us. It’s saying, “Pay attention to this.”
It’s empowering to take control of your system when it’s signaling something is off — those signals aren’t punishment, they’re wake-up calls.
Overcoming The Imposter Syndrome Trap: Getting Comfortable With Discomfort
What was the hardest pattern or belief to unlearn as you go through this, moving through this?
I would say I’m still talking to my brain a lot because I’ve got some pretty entrenched ways of talking to myself and talking myself out of things, or letting fear take over. I’ve been doing a lot of work on getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and being in that discomfort. I hear a lot of people talk about Imposter Syndrome, and I think I’ve suffered with it. I always felt less than what I was supposed to be and compared myself to others.
What I realize as I’m going through this process is that Imposter Syndrome comes from fear and comes from discomfort. You can’t grow without being uncomfortable and without overcoming that fear. I see it as a good thing now when I’m feeling uncomfortable or I’m feeling fear because I know that I’m growing. I know that I’m moving along in my journey and that reframes it in my mind.
I shared with you earlier, I was looking at the questions for this interview and I didn’t have the perfect answers. I kept rewriting and rewriting and then I messaged you and said, “I don’t think I’m ready to do this,” because it was my fear of not being perfect, not being everything I should be and I ran from it. I was really thankful that you said, “No, come on. I’m going to get you relaxed. It’s just going to be a conversation.” I just focused on grounding myself and being ready for this conversation. I didn’t prepare. That took a lot for me. I’m an over-preparer. That stops me from moving forward a lot.
We also did an amazing job when we met in person, when we did the Parenting In Flow world. You did amazing.
Rewriting Your Story: Imposter syndrome comes from fear and discomfort, but you can’t grow without being uncomfortable and without overcoming that fear.
I was so worried because I didn’t have it memorized. When you get up there and if you just get past that fear and just let that flow happen, it changes the way it can be, which is pretty beautiful.
I want you to know that that’s flow. Our mission is to make sure that all humans can feel that, because that’s our birthright. It’s available to us, and then we block ourselves and then we tell ourselves all these stories and then we stay stuck. It’s possible. It is hard work. If you start doing it, it actually becomes easier every day because you’re seeing the result of it. It’s immediate. It’s like a really good loop. You’ve got to feel amazing and it gets easier each time.
You’re going to feel amazing after this because you did it. Anyone who’s reading, blocks to flow is an amazing way to look at our systems that are trying to tell us things. Those are signals instead of just trapping them, listening to them and really paying attention to that and bringing that awareness. Creating the alignment and activation so that you can accelerate.
Our systems are designed for performance. We’re only looking at it as, “If I perform, I’m doing really great. If I can’t perform, something must be wrong with me.” We really need to get out of that phrase. That came from, of course, our conditioning from our parents. The conditioning that happens at school, then we exit as young adults into the real world. There, we get beat up. We really question ourselves, “Am I even good enough? Am I worthy enough? Do I know enough here to live even?” That just becomes the story we tell ourselves every day.
We then land in a personal development there. They tell us more checks and tactics and tips and strategies, which don’t fit me. I’m, again, lost in a world of try this, do this. Weight loss every year, new year’s resolution, somebody tells you, “Do this, do that.” Everyone thinks they have the solution, but the solution’s not for me, though. What’s my solution? That was my thing with weight loss too. Until I figured out that my problem was my hormones, the weight loss was just a mystery because it doesn’t make sense to me. Everyone’s like, “Eat less.” I eat less. I can’t eat any less.
Witnessing Your Younger Self: The Joyful, Fearless Child Within
Everything just comes down to how does this soul want to express and how are we suppressing it? How am I suppressing myself so that I can just survive. We have to exit the survival, whatever we’re doing. It’d be we’re working with kids or we’re whatever work you’re doing, look at yourself, become aware, where am I not paying attention? Start paying attention and you’re going to see a lot of evidence. That evidence are what we try to clear. It’s amazing. If your younger self could witness you are now, what would they think or notice first?
It depends on which younger self you’re talking about, because I’ve been spending a lot of time on that young, joyful child within me who was fearless. I think they would be proud of the work that I’m doing on myself and that I’m finally coming back into who I was meant to be because I think for a lot of years, I lost that.
I lost my authentic self because I’ve been a people pleaser and I’ve changed myself to be what other people expected me to be or wanted me to be. If I am talking to my younger self when I was struggling, I think they’d be amazed at how far I’ve come and how I am actually stronger and more confident and more joyful than I’ve been in a very long time. I feel like that little girl in me would be very proud too.
Getting a little emotional, but that’s awesome. As I said, we suppress so many things. When we finally are able to release and start seeing and thriving in our life, of course our younger self is going to be like, “Look at her.”
I actually did a meditation where I met my younger self and she just ran up to me and gave me a big hug, and then we started dancing together because that was my joy when I was little. I want to feel that joy again. One thing that I have learned that I’ve been doing is that I’m scheduling joy into my day. I’m making sure that every day, I have that time that is just for me, which I’ve never done before. I’ve always taken care of everybody else, and I’m finally learning how to take care of myself, which is amazing.
The One Simple Action To Schedule Joy & Find Alignment
Thank you. For our readers, if they could take one simple action now to get closer to alignment and in good flow, what would it be?
I would say find your joy. Find those things that bring you joy in life. Whether that’s spending time with your kids or cuddling with your dog on the couch, or dancing or walking in nature. We really need to cherish those things and schedule those things into our busy lives because it’s so easy to get caught up in the busyness of everything that you forget to take care of yourself and nurture your soul. That’s, I think, what I would want most for people.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the busyness of everything that you forget to take care of yourself and nurture your soul.
I love how you said schedule joy.
Everybody knows how to schedule everything else, so we’ve got to schedule that in there too. Joy with myself.
I love that. We can always say, “I’m busy.” That’s just part of our vocabulary. Within that busyness, where can I find five minutes for me to feel joy? That goes back to you are saying your younger self to really go deep and say, “What did I enjoy when I was young?”
It took me a while because when I first retired, I was like, “I’ve got to find my joy.” I didn’t even know where to start to find that because I think for a long time, I felt like my joy was in caring for others, taking care of everybody else, but that’s just more of the same. I always looked at taking care of yourself as more selfish. I looked at it in a more negative way because I was conditioned to take care of everybody else. It was really important for me to really find ways to take care of myself and put myself first and know that that was necessary in order for everything else to happen.
That is the work you’ve done, because that’s also a block. Many of us have a thinking that if I start thinking about myself, it’s very selfish. Why are you always thinking that? If I don’t think about myself, who else would? Who else is going to think about it? It doesn’t mean you don’t have to take care of other people. Take care of them too. In the 24 hours, I’m sure every one of us can take five minutes to find joy.
I can actually take care of the people that I love in my life for better now that I’m taking care of myself.
Rewriting Your Story: I can actually take care of the people I love, far better, now that I’m taking care of myself.
That’s the result of it, the byproduct. You’re actually a better person for other people. We can’t steal from ourselves and say, “I’m going to be the best person for others.” It shows. As they say, you’ll become empty and then running from an empty cup.
It happened to me. I was just going through the motions and I realize now, looking back, that I was burnt out for at least three years and I was trying to be everything for everyone. I wasn’t doing any of it well because I was too tired. I wasn’t refilling my own cup. It was just all going out. It’s so much easier now to be who I want to be.
Respect that. How can people connect with Coach Caitlin? Please do connect with her. Here’s the beautiful thing. It doesn’t matter. Our program works for 5-year-old all the way to 70, 80-year-old.
It doesn’t matter. Along the way, we all get blocked. We are all the product of the same system. We went through the school system. In there, we get blocked. We are conditioned by our parents, our society. No matter where you are in your life, if you are feeling like, “I can’t do this anymore. I’m not worthy enough, I’m not enough to do this,” it’s because there’s a block.
If you’re able to find it, get help from Caitlin. She’s an amazing coach. You know why she’s an amazing coach? It’s because she has been through it. That’s beautiful. When you go through something, you can then lead and help others so beautifully because you know the feeling. You know exactly how to talk yourself out of things.
Flow Is Being Who You Are Meant To Be And Thriving
Tell yourself that you’re not going to be good enough for this and mark yourself on a scale where you put it so high that you know it’s impossible to even reach there. You push yourself so hard and then feel like you failed yourself. All of these things, these are cycles we all lived through. Caitlin has that experience. She’s been in the school system, so contact with her and her information are here. Caitlin, finish this sentence for me. Flow is?
That’s a tough one. Flow is being who you’re meant to be and thriving. It’s that state of being where anything is possible.
There’s an energy that connects us all, and when you flow — especially with others who are also in flow — that’s when the real magic happens.
There’s no block. It flows. It’s easy, it’s effortless. Just feel joy, like you said. Anything else you want to add? Flow is?
Amazing. It’s energizing, it’s a connection to a power that we don’t often connect to without it. I really do feel like there is an energy that connects us all. Especially when you’re in flow with other people who are also in flow, the magic happens at that time. True connection happens. Understanding and dialogue and learning and growth, they all happen in that state of flow. That’s what we need more of, especially now.
Authentic connection. It’s like flow is a current. When everyone is in that, you can feel it. That’s what you’re saying. It’s felt because it’s like a current. Awesome. Thank you so much. Those of you who are reading, who are carrying so many things, talking to their brain or mind about, “This is who I am. I can’t do this. I’m not capable,” just become aware of it. Where did it start? Why doI keep saying that? Even just that simple act of bringing yourself now and here and becoming aware. It’s a game-changer. Just right there is a game-changer. Just that moment when you do that, it’s a game-changer. Thank you so much, Caitlin.
Thank you, Kohila.