In a world where families are rushing, kids are overwhelmed, and adults barely have time to breathe, coach Marie-Claude Maher brings a rare kind of calm wisdom. She reminds everyone of something simple yet profound: slowing down restores our connections and rebuilds our rhythm in a fast-paced world. She joins Kohila Sivas in discussing how modern life has quietly moved us away from the small and regulating experiences that make us feel safe, present, and alive. Marie-Claude also reveals why consciously recreating those simple moments is one of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves and our families.
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Recreating The Moments That Make Us Human With Marie-Claude Maher
Coach Marie-Claude Maher On Slowing Down, Restoring Connection, And Rebuilding Rhythm In A Fast-paced World
Welcome, Coach MC. Welcome. I’m so excited to meet you.
Thank you so much. I’m glad to be here.
Before we start our chat, what I always ask my guests to do is share with us something that you do to calm yourself. A lot of the time, many of our guests always share a breathing exercise for us. We’re so much in the past, so much in the future. Now and here is the hardest thing for us to do all of us. What do you do to bring yourself now and here?
The Soothing Art Of Finger Massaging
I do some breathing, but since you say everybody says that, there are other things I also do. I find that I respond very well to sensory stimulation. If I’m in public, then obviously, going at my ears might look a little silly. I find that I’ve been doing a lot of hand stimulation. I’ll be going this discreetly or I’ll be doing finger massages. I find that this has been very soothing for me.
When I am stressed or in a meeting or things, it’s easy to just do that discreetly under the table. That’s one thing that I do. I combine that with some breathing. I’m always trying to inhale and then exhale longer than I inhale to calm my nervous system down. These are the two most common things I do at the moment. I find it varies, though. Sometimes I have things, it works for a while, then I try or discover something else.
Tell me about the finger massage here. You’re going from all the fingers at the middle of it, or the knuckle?
I usually tend to start from inside. I just massage the inside and then I go finger by finger. I will usually pull, go from the bottom to the tip of each finger, giving them a little pull. I guess it depends if I’m all by myself or if I’m with people around. I’m usually going through all the fingers, one after the other, I find it very soothing.
For both hands?
Yeah, I’ll do both hands. I think by default, because I’m right-handed, I tend to usually use my right hand to do my left massage.
You said something about the ear. Can you share with me? That one is pretty unique.
Yeah. One thing I find for me works really well is apparently we have so many nerve endings that are connected to our vagus nerve in our ear. If I’m by myself or need a moment and I can retreat somewhere, then I’ll just pull straight out and have some nice, deep breath, in and out, and just pay attention to my shoulders. I find when I do this, then I get into my body and I notice all the signals my body’s sending me that I need to relax. Often, my shoulders will be up, my jaw will be super tense. Doing that for a little while and then I release it, and then you pull the same but downwards at an angle. I usually will do that for a few breaths.
Once I finish this, then I will again just give some nice little rubbing massages and then end up at the top. These are the ones I find help a lot. I will do both ears, one after the other. I’ve heard a lot of people really like putting your finger inside your ear, massaging this. For me, I don’t know if it’s because of my nails, but that one I don’t like as much, but the massage around here or even going up and down. Putting my one finger in the back and the rest of my hand in the front and going up and down also really helps.
When I did that year pulling first time when I started with you, my shoulder actually dropped.
I feel like because we’re doing this on purpose, we’re actually paying attention to that, then it brings us to really realize what is happening in our bodies, and everywhere else too. Oftentimes, I do notice my shoulders, by default. I think a lot of us do this, but with this or my jaw, super tense. Any of that sensory simulation I find really helps.
It really helps me just now, so I feel good. Thank you. Do you actually plant all your feet on the floor perfectly or does it matter?
I’m cross-legged right now. I’m so short, so I don’t ever touch the ground when I’m sitting on a chair. I think I’ve gotten to the habit of crossing my legs a lot, and this is how I’m most comfortable, without my shoes on and with my legs crossed. Right now, that’s how I am. I think one of the best advice I heard from some person who teaches meditation and things is we often think when we’re meditating or doing anything, we have to be still. There are so many rules that you got to follow.
He is like, “No, you’ve got to do what your body feels comfortable doing.” If that means you need to move, that’s okay because if you spend your energy trying not to move, you’re going to be taken away from what you’re trying to do anyway. Let your body move the way it needs. It also depends how and where I’m sitting. If it’s possible to put my feet on the ground, I might, but usually, that’s not how it goes.
That’s good to know. I also sit most of the time on my chair cross-legged too, because I like it. I just feel comfortable.
Yeah. Same. It’s actually really rare that I sit like this on a chair. Usually, I’ll be on the floor on a cushion. This is how I do my best work. It’s actually not at a desk.
Addressing Your Lack Of Self-Worth
Amazing. Thank you for sharing that. Our readers will also experience the release that you get by pulling your ear up, out and then down then the top. It will allow you to feel relief because all the endings of the vagus nerves are in ears, and that just allows you to rest and release. Just hold tight. It’s amazing. I want to ask you about blocks to flow. If you think about your life, what part of your life do you feel was blocked for a long time?
I guess there was a lot of feeling I wasn’t confident to really get out there and do the things I really feel like I deserve and really want. The confidence to get out there was missing, the self-worth, that I am worthy of deserving the life that I really want, the relationship that I want. Whatever I envisioned for myself that I’m worthy of that, that was a big block. I have a block that I’m also always working on, which is the ability to stay focused and really get the things done that I want to do from an executive functioning perspective. I think all of those put together were probably my three biggest block that were needing to be addressed.
If we go one step further back, where do you think that started from, that, “I’m not worthy enough?”
I’m not blaming anyone here. That’s just how we were raised. We were raised by being praised when we had good grades or being praised when we did well. Luckily, I was able to do well in many things like at school or in sports or whatever, and I was praised for that. I think a lot of my worthiness was coming from what I do as opposed to who I was and how I’m being.
I think the confidence of being able to get myself out there, like, “If I’m not perfect and if I can’t do it properly,” because I’m starting something new was blocking me. I want to do well. I want to do it not perfectly, but to my standards. That’s probably one of my biggest block and where it comes from. I’m definitely realizing a lot of it comes from how we were brought up or how the different situations we experienced in our past and how that stays with us. Unconsciously, it rules our life in some ways.
Our feeling of lack of self-worth mainly comes from how we were raised and the different situations we experienced in the past.
We are a living being. We were never taught that we have subsystems working together to create this person to express ourselves. We were never taught that we have all these subsystems working together, so we don’t have a real understanding of how we work, how to function, how we get ready, how we really can go through the executive function. People talk about all of that, but there was never an education or understanding of that, right?
Exactly. Once you have an awareness, because it really starts just with an awareness, an understanding and an awareness of all of those things and how they all interact with each other. As soon as one’s out of whack, it affects all the other ones. It’s very easy for us to be hard on ourselves when we are achieving the things we want. We’re not doing the things we want, but we haven’t realized it’s because of those systems that we didn’t know about.
As you said, sometimes it comes from the conditions of our parents, because they didn’t know better either. Our education system is built in a way where it expects us to be always ready to learn and to produce. We all know that there are many days we were never close to being.
It’s a work in progress every day. Even though we’re aware of all the things, there’s still days where it’s not going to be as easy as other days. That’s okay. That’s life. A lot of students come to school and they’re definitely not ready to be in that state where they can achieve and do what they want.
They’re not in a state to learn.
Teachers asking them things that it’s really hard for them to do. Teachers don’t know any different either. That’s why it’s great to find out about all this.
Dealing With Young People’s Lack Of Readiness To Learn
Now that you are a Blocks to Flow Coach, what do you think is the missing link we all missed and why are we still developing ourselves at the age of 30s and 40s and 50s? What is the missing link?
I think a lot of times, the missing link would be that people don’t necessarily understand that when a kid is having a behavior or not doing what you ask them to do, or not do it on purpose. I’ve actually heard that they’re just lazy. Basically, because of this lack of understanding of everything else that’s running our life, our systems that are running our life, we’re missing that understanding that we need to be curious and understand that behavior comes from one of those system or many of those systems that are blocked. I think that’s the missing link there.
Slowing Down: We need to be curious about children’s behavior in learning, and many of those systems are blocked.
We don’t give the space for our students to get ready, right?
I feel like a lot of teachers actually don’t even know that either. I think there’s been a lot of progress and a lot of emphasis on social and emotional learning and being more aware. There are a lot of things out there, like zones of regulations. There are a lot of programs. Compared to even when you and I probably were in school and growing up, that was not even a thing. Now there is that focus, for sure, but I think that’s just part of it. A lot of it is still not there.
If you already have something that’s serious, like a cancer, you can’t put a Band-Aid on it.
No, that doesn’t work.
The school system is al already shaking and the learners are already shaking. At the breaking point, you don’t just say, “Let me just fix this picture with the little wood here.” It needs to be redesigned from the bottom ground up. The foundation needs to be rebuilt. Just talking about it and implementing social, emotional, that’s just stressing up something that’s not even working.
No, exactly. It’s just not enough. It’s just barely touching the surface.
Our focus is still curriculum. It’s commanded by curriculum. Curriculum needs to be pushed through, it needs to be done, achievement has to be recorded, and data has to be collected. We must have all of this done within the set amount of time. On top of the social and emotional at that point becomes a secondary thing to all of that. The primary thing is this. It is good. The school should be primary focusing on that because that’s what the in institution is about. Unfortunately, we need to have a prerequisite to that.
Exactly. A child or student, whatever age, even teenagers, adult will never be able to learn if they’re not ready to learn. If all the environment, the conditions are not there, then it’s like trying to put a square pin in a round hole or the other way around. It’s going to be the same. It’s just not going to work.
A child, regardless of their age, will never learn if they are not ready to learn.
I always go to the farmer trying to plant seeds and expect a huge harvest. If he plants it on concrete, he should expect nothing. There would be no harvest.
Maybe at the beginning, you have good soil, but then if you don’t maintain it every day and look at it every day and keep putting the nutrients and the supplements once a month and the water every day in the sun, it needs to be constant work. It needs to be something that is constantly happening,
The first step to anything for farmers is to prepare the land. It’s not the seed’s fault, which are our students and who we are have become. It is the idea that there are prerequisites to any growth, including human growth. They must be ready to learn, in a state to learn. Unfortunately, we missed that. Now we’re facing the outcome of that.
Thank you for sharing about yourself because that is a common block. “I’m not good enough, I’m not enough, I’m not worthy enough. I don’t deserve this.” These are common things. All of our readers could relate to that. At one point or another, we’ve always said that because our identity is always attached to performance.
Some people have it stronger than others. I think I’m one of those that has it quite strong or had it quite strong. I’m working on it, but yes, definitely.
The Negative Impact Of Perfectionism
Was there a turning point in your life that you started becoming more and more aware of this pattern?
I think I’ve always been aware, but I always push through and shove it under the carpet. I started to have intense physical symptoms. I had a major back pain. That was triggered by something, but then it never went away and just kept getting worse. I think at this point in my life, with the many years of many things happening in my personal life and at work and all the stressors that a lot of it I put on myself as well. As a perfectionist and perhaps focused on more outcome and stuff, I would have taken on a lot and expecting myself to be able to handle it all, as much volunteering and teaching and doing all the things and having the house, all the things.
There comes a time where I think your body will say, “If you’re not going to pay attention to what I’ve been trying to tell you for years, and I’m going to show you very intensely.” That’s what happened to me. My back pain was so bad. There were days where I could barely walk. That’s never happened to me before. I had always been super active. I exercise in most days. I ate pretty well. For the most part, I had a pretty good lifestyle, yet now this was happening. I’m like, “This is sending me a message. I need to look into this and something’s got to change.” I think that was the turning point for me, for sure.
Marie-Claude’s Journey From Teacher To Coaching
Now you are a coach, you lead others into alignment and activation so they can accelerate. You provide the Readiness OS to bring it into life so that we don’t just chase performance. We make performance an outcome of our readiness. How has that changed for you as a teacher, going from a teacher to that type of coach?
I feel like the biggest difference for me is the possibility and the ability that I have to really go with the flow and not have a curriculum driven plan in place where I’m able to really just see what the student brings to me and where they’re at, and I can meet them what they’re at with connection, with presence, with compassion, curiosity. We just go from there. That’s what allows us to reduce that pressure of go, go, go and doing more work to get to I don’t know where.
Whereas now, we can really solidify the basis so we can solidify the awareness so that the person is able to now learn the tools and strategies to align all their systems so that they can accelerate and achieve. It takes time and that’s okay. I think that’s the best gift I have as a coach, to be able to take that time to really build that solid foundation which we don’t have in the classroom.
Without the foundation, without implementing our own unique readiness because we’re all different. Every child is different, every adult is different. What you’re able to do is really customize that to that person so that their journey is their own soul journey, not someone else. We’re not able to do that in the classroom, not because we don’t want to, but it’s the time commitment and the curriculum commitment.
One-on-one makes it a big difference because everyone is so different. You’re able to really do what that one person needs as opposed to what will fit most of the kids.
Every person is different. You need to know what exactly they need so they can begin to learn.
Marie-Claude’s Message To Her Younger Self
Standardized approach, thinking that everyone will be able to follow along. Those are things that is what creating a lot of chaos in the classroom, behaviors in the classroom because it’s not adapted to that child’s need or the person’s need to learn. Amazing. I love what you do and how you help people. It’s so amazing. If your younger self was to witness who you are now, what would they notice first?
I think they’d be very proud of how I was able to switch my way of thinking. Instead of being ashamed of things I’ve done or experiences I’ve put myself through, or things that didn’t go the way I wanted, that I’m now able to really see those things as part of the path that led me to where I am now. They were all learning experiences and that I learned from those and that I should be proud of them. I think that’s one thing that my younger self would be very amazed to see that I can do now. Which was not the case for quite some time.
I think overall, my younger self would be really also happy to see how I’m taking care of myself now. I’m prioritizing my own self, which was not really a thing that I did for a very long time. I don’t know why. I think it wasn’t necessarily modeled to me that it’s okay to listen to your own needs and speak up if things don’t work the way you want. I think I’d be very proud for of me to see that I can do that now.
Starting The Day With Intention And Purpose
For our readers, what would you say one simple step they can take that’ll get them closer to alignment and flow in their life?
There are different phases in life where sleep is not a possibility. If you have young children, I know that. I think that you’ve got to do what you have at the moment. I feel like a powerful morning where you can dedicate some time to yourself and however that works for you and works for you, but where you have time to reflect, to set intentions, to really take time to visualize your best life. If that’s what I want to be later, what does that mean I need to be and do now? All of that reflection, that me time before I need to then give myself out to the world, like my kids and my household and my students and all the things has really been transformative for me.
I feel like this would be my best advice. If you can only manage 5, 10 minutes, then that’s better than zero. Time without a phone, without anything, just yourself. We’re so distracted all day long. Even all the moments that we used to be thinking or reflecting about ourselves and our life and whatever, waiting in line, now we pull our phones. There are so many of those times for introspection that we don’t really have anymore during the day. Walk in nature, things like this, we don’t really do as much anymore just by the way our lives are. The more you can recreate those moments for yourself, I think that’s my best advice.
It doesn’t even have to be in the morning. It can be at nighttime. Once a day, just collect yourself and bring yourself now and here. Really think about what is happening in your life, where are the needs? That’s probably something you never did. When you don’t analyze and ask yourself, “What are my needs,” that is when we give over give and then we face burnout. Some sickness has to come and show us that, “I can’t hold you anymore. Do you want to pay attention to me or what?”
“If you don’t, I’ll remind you I’m around.”
Pain shows up. Pain is a reminder. It doesn’t even have to be morning. Sometimes in the day, just collect yourself to be now and here and breathe deeply. Take those breaths. Think about it or write it down. Writing is really good practice.
I never used to journal and I thought, “Who does that?” I do it now and I really find it helpful. It’s like a brain dump. I process a lot through writing. For me, actually, when you were asking me about my younger self to now, I would probably be very surprised that I actually wake up that early because I used to sleep in a lot, until 11:00 even. I can see my son now, he’s not understanding why I want to wake up that early. I find morning is when I actually work the best. Some people it’s at night.
Find your rhythm and see how you feel. Wake up one morning and do this and see how your day carries forward with you. Maybe you love that feeling and that’s what rewards you to do it again. If it doesn’t fit in, you’re sleepy all day long because you wake woke up 10 minutes, 20 minutes before your time, and if you’re sleepy and you’re miserable, that’s not the time you want to wake up again.
Trying to find when you can find that time for yourself within the way your life is at the moment, and what works for you, for sure.
I’ll have all her information here to reach Coach MC. Anyone reading, you can reach out to her. She does offer coaching to anyone, any age, because all of our program as Blocks to Flow trained coaches, they’re able to provide any age help because we all learn the same way. We are all souls who wants to express ourselves. Unfortunately, most of the time, we suppress our subsystems and then eventually feel like we can do it. We’re not able to do it. I’m not worthy enough. Not good enough.
We have those big dreams, but there’s something gets us in the way of actually making it happen.
How To Make Self-Love A Top Priority
How do we unblock those thoughts and actions so that you can find flow. You can activate yourself and your system and then you can find flow and you find flow. Anyone can do anything. What has been your most transformative thing through this process?
I think that my most transformative thing through this process has probably been this love for myself that I did not necessarily really have much before. Actually, wanting to take care of myself and loving myself and writing in my journal, “I love you.” I’ve never done that before. At the beginning of every day, I’m telling myself that I can do this. When you love yourself, then you make yourself a priority. When you make yourself a priority, then you take care of the things that are not working properly because you don’t want that to happen. I think that’s been my biggest transformation. From that, then I think everything follows.
When you love yourself and make yourself a priority, you can take care of things that are not working properly.
You were so hard on yourself before.
Even though I cannot coach all the kids at school that I still teach at, if there is one thing that I always want to make sure in each group that comes to me or each lesson that I get is I remind them to like, “What’s this little voice in your head telling you, your thoughts? You need to talk to your brain. Your thoughts are not you. Your thoughts are there to try to take you away from what you want because they don’t want to repeat something that happened in the past that make you feel not great.” That’s also been a big switch for me, to really become aware of my thoughts and aware of the fact that I don’t have to do everything my thoughts are telling me to do that I can talk back to it.
You have the power. That gives you power because before, sometimes we feel powerless.
It’s stuck in there and that’s going to be forever. No, that’s not it.
Flow Is An Everyday Mission For Yourself
Amazing. Finish this sentence for me, Coach MC. Flow is?
Flow is an everyday mission, something that you want to strive for. Every day, you’ve got to work. You got to do your thing every day. That’s basically what I mean. It’s not you do it once and then you’ll never have to do it again. The more you do it every day, the easier it comes all the time.
Does it almost become addictive to find it again because it feels so good, right?
Yes, definitely. It becomes addictive. You want it again and again. When it’s not working, you work hard to try to find what’s going on. Why is it not working? For sure. I find my mornings have been where I found my most flow. I think that’s also why for me, my morning has become very addictive. The way I do my morning routine has really become addictive.
You never had this before?
No, not like that. I would wake up in the morning, but from the beginning, I would go for other stuff. Now, it’s really just a different kind of morning. It’s put me in flow as opposed to stressing my body out.
You got up early to stress yourself.
Yes. I was getting up early to drink coffee right away and then go work out and then no stretching, just go start working. That was how I used to do it. It was time for myself, but not the right way of spending it.
You were told you have to perform. There’s no expectation to perform.
There’s no time to rest and chill. What’s that? There’s no time for that.
In the same life, you were able to find those times for yourself. Isn’t that beautiful?
It is. I remember there really was that clear switch for me when I started to switch my morning routine to include a lot of those practices I talked about earlier. Also, I’ve been able and trying to really make sure I get enough hours of sleep to get up that early, but I couldn’t wait to go to bed because I would going to wake up the next morning and have that moment again. I was expressing that to my kids and my boyfriend. I’m like, “I can’t wait. I’m actually looking forward to that.” They were like, “That’s weird.” Now I’m like, “That’s what it does to you.”
That’s what my system needs. That’s what my body needs. That’s what my brain needs. That’s what my nervous system needs. I’m going to do it because it feels good. It feels natural.
Yeah, definitely. I do it no matter where I am. If I travel, I still do it. It’s beautiful. It’s not an option anymore.
Thank you. Those of you who are reading, you could be parents, you could be someone who is in their early 20s, late 30s. It doesn’t matter wherever you are. Carving some time for yourself is not selfish. It’s actually something so important that we forget in the busy world. Don’t ever deny that time for yourself because if you don’t give it, who will give it?
Nobody else is going to come and give you time for yourself.
By giving yourself, you’re actually setting yourself up for success, not only for you, but for those who you want to care for and those who you want to lead because if you don’t lead your life, you cannot lead others. If you take anything from this conversation, carve out some time even among your busyness, because I can tell you, MC was very busy. She didn’t implement this. If you asked her, she would’ve said, “I’m busy. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. What do you mean I have time for myself? I don’t understand that.”
“What is that? I did not do all the things I didn’t get around to doing before?” That used to be the definition of time to myself, then I would get to do all the other stuff I did not get to do. That’s not it. That’s not what we’re talking about here.
No. It’s about you. You have to spend the time, invest time in yourself. That’s our message to you. If you want to reach out to her, all her contact information is here. Thank you so much, Coach MC. It was a pleasure to meet you.
Welcome. That was really fun. Thank you so much.
Thank you.