Most of us carry invisible barriers that keep us from feeling at peace, and the Blocks-to-Flow™ approach helps uncover and release them with grace. Coach Maria Elena Mazza shares her powerful journey of discovering anxiety that once showed up as physical pain, and how awareness became her first step to healing. In this conversation with Kohila Sivas, she reflects on perfectionism, self-judgment, and the freedom that comes from letting go of the need to always get it right. Together, they explore what it means to trust your body, practice mindfulness with compassion, and design a life that feels balanced, brave, and fully in flow.
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Healing Anxiety And Perfectionism Through Blocks-To-Flow™ With Maria Elena Mazza
Finding Your Calm: Coach Maria’s Favorite Breathing Exercise
Coach Maria, welcome. How are you?
I’m great. How are you?
I’m very good. I always like to start our chat here with a breathing exercise. What’s your favorite breathing exercise?
I have a few of them. The one that I shared in the summit was the one with the flower. I know that’s different only because I can envision the smell. I love it. It’s make-believe or imagine holding that flower, breathing in that scent for maybe five seconds, holding it for a couple, and releasing it.
How many times do you do that?
Probably no more than three times.
Do you hold a flower like this?
You don’t have to really do it. You’re closing your eyes and breathing that scent in.
Let’s do it. Our readers can also join us.
We breathe in for 4, hold it for 2, and out for 4.
That’s awesome. I like holding something. Tell me. Why did the flower come into the picture? Is that something that you smelled once and you anchored it?
It’s an anchor in my mind. My mom is going blind. When we send her flowers, we focus on scent. There are certain flowers that she likes. When my son got engaged, she sent this huge bouquet to us, and all I smelled was the scent of those flowers. That was a nice, calming anchor that I had. I stumbled upon this breathing, doing it with a student, because she loves that kind of stuff. That became our favorite.
I love the anchoring. It’s nice. It’s very beautiful. Also, if you could even smell it. I’m sure you’re feeling it, right?
Yes. I can feel it as if I’m smelling the scent.
If you’re reading, the next time you go to a store, pick up a flower that you smell, and then you can anchor that. It takes a deeper breath when we’re trying to smell something. Four breaths instead become a deeper breath. When I think of smelling a flower, I take a four-count breath. It’s beautiful. Thank you.
That is a big part of it, too, because you do intentionally take that deeper breath because you need to smell it.
Unmasking The Silent Hostage: Understanding Blocks-To-Flow™
Thank you for sharing. That’s awesome. I want to ask you. What do you think about the phrase blocks to flow? What does it mean to you, and what comes to your mind when I say blocks to flow?
Blocks to Flow is something that many people don’t even realize they have in their lives. It’s when you are not doing something or are unable to do something, and sometimes, you have no idea why. It is going from that moment in your life to be able to do whatever it is that you are having difficulty doing, flowing, and feeling comfortable with it, and able to do whatever it is that you were having difficulty with. I have learned that a lot of people don’t even know that they have it.
It’s a silent hostage, the blocks. It’s there, but we’re not aware. Before you became who you are, what was life like on the other side? Were there some blocks that you were dealing with?
Yes. That’s part of what I’m saying about not even knowing it. When I was in my 30s, which is when it started, I would be doing something overwhelming. I had too much on my plate, and my back started going out. I went to many doctors because I would end up bedridden or debilitated for a month straight in bed, not being able to move.
I saw many doctors, and one of them said to me that I had a degenerative disc disease. I had herniated discs. I was only in my 30s. He said, “Within ten years, you’re going to need surgery,” and started to prescribe drugs. He gave me 3 or 4 different kinds of drugs. I was pretty much bedridden. My life was horrible at that moment. I would notice I’d get back on my feet, but then within a few weeks, I’d be down again. Something would happen, and I’d be down.
This went on for years. I felt like, “this is me. This is my life.” I stopped participating in things. I stopped doing things because I was afraid it would trigger this back issue. At that time, I didn’t realize it, but it was a block. I didn’t realize it until my father got very sick. When he got very sick, it went crazy. It went haywire. I couldn’t focus. It wasn’t that my back was going out, but my thoughts were all over the place. I was very responsible. I had a lot of things I was in charge of that I needed to stay in sync. I knew right away that that was anxiety.
It was when I started working on the anxiety that I noticed some of the other things started to heal. Honestly, it wasn’t until we started working on the Blocks to Flow that I knew how to deal with it and how to get past it. I never learned how to get past it. I thought that was me. I was like, “I have this issue. This is what’s going to happen.
The Anxiety Awakening: Connecting Physical Symptoms To Mental Stress
When do you think the anxiety part came into your life? Was it just then, or was it before as well?
It was before. It was probably in my 30s. That’s about when I had my child, my son. I was working. I was trying to maintain my full-time job. I had a night shift job. I was taking care of my son. When everything was becoming too much to handle, that’s when the back started going out. At the time, I thought it was all physical, that I had a physical issue.
That turned into not just my back, but my jaw. My jaw went out of alignment. I thought, “Why are these things happening to me?” Somebody said to me, “You might be clenching at night. You might not realize it, but you’re biting down and clenching at night.” I thought, “That’s anxiety too, isn’t it?” That’s when I started connecting the dots. I realized these physical things were being triggered by the mental things that were going on in my life. For everything we’ve done, that’s what happens with the cortisol going to your prefrontal cortex. It pretty much paralyzed me, stopping me from being able to do whatever it is.
These physical things were being triggered by the mental things going on in our life.
The grinding of the teeth is pretty normal for a lot of people under stress when they have a new responsibility coming on. I used to even have dreams when I was going through my divorce and all of those life changes. I used to have it when I would wake up in the morning in a very alert state, feeling like I had all of my teeth fall out and I had them in my hand. It was repeated. It would come many times. Every other week, I would get this. I’m like, “What is this?” I felt like it was happening in the dream. I would get up, and I’m like, “That’s a dream.” It would repeat. I had to look up what it meant. It was stress. It was anxiety that the things you had were no longer there. You were losing it.
Our body does so many things that we have to pay attention to when we’re going through stuff. Unfortunately, you took it as, “My back is hurting. My jaw is hurting,” but then that was associated with anxiety. How does anxiety play in your life? Let’s go over it. There might be a reader who probably doesn’t even know they have anxiety. What does anxiety look like? Can we share that?
What Does Anxiety Look Like? Recognizing The Uncomfortable Feelings
Sometimes, it’s a fear of things. I have mentioned that if I fail at something, or in my mind I fail, I wouldn’t want to approach it again because of the way it made me feel inside. It is almost like a panic state where you’re embarrassed. You have a big feeling of dread, like, “How do people look at me or judge me?” When that happens, and it gets to a point where you don’t know what to do with it, you stop doing it. You don’t want to put yourself in that place to feel that way. It’s a negative reward or a negative reinforcement, so you don’t put yourself in that place.
Anxiety, to me, is an uncomfortable feeling. It could be anywhere. Now, I know it’s physical, too. It’s not just how I’m feeling. When I’m anxious, my stomach might hurt. I might start to sweat. I might turn red. It can come out in so many ways. You may shut down and want to walk away and not be part of it. You back off. There are so many ways it can manifest. It depends on the person.
What do you think was your turning point from all of this? You were saying 30 years old. Was that the turning point when you realized?
No, that’s when I didn’t realize. Honestly, at 30 is when I started to learn more and more. I was like, “Wait a minute,” and started to connect the dots. The problem is, I knew what it was, but I didn’t know what to do with it.
You started struggling with it.
I went from, “My back is out,” to, “I have anxiety.” I looked into talking to some people that didn’t help me. I wasn’t getting what I needed. I felt like I was telling them my life story, which is something that didn’t help me, so I needed to walk away. My big thing as a child and an adult was that I wanted to understand it. I want to know why.
It wasn’t until I started to learn techniques, strategies, and the why, which is huge, that I started to get relief. I’m going to knock on wood here, but I haven’t had my back go out in quite a while, like a few years. My jaw is fine. I know sometimes that if I feel other new things, I’m like, “What could be triggering whatever’s going on?” I know I have anxiety, even in traveling, which is something that I’m putting myself out there to do. Now I know I have to get myself through it, and I have some strategies to do that.
That’s beautiful. When you said that when you were 30 years old, you discovered, “What is this?” and connected all the dots, I immediately felt like parents and others who get the labels or the diagnosis. We go and figure out, “You have ADHD,” or, “You have autism,” or, “You have this or that.” At that point, nobody helps us figure out what’s going to work for us. It’s that, “Now what?” question. You understood you had anxiety, but you were like, “Now what?” You still had to figure out what was going to work for you.
Beyond The Label: Customizing Your Path To Healing Anxiety
I don’t mind getting labels because we do need to understand what’s going on. Labels give us that. Still, at the end of the day, you still had to customize it to, “How do I deal with this?” It’s like, “How is Maria going to deal with it?” versus, “Kohila, how would she deal with it?” You said you found strategies and techniques that work for you. You couldn’t take what’s working for someone else. You have to figure out what’s going to work for you.
This was something I learned in school before we did even any of this. We were talking about mindset, mindfulness, and all that kind of stuff. I took a workshop with a group. They were teaching us how to be mindful in the classroom. I had to laugh because it wasn’t working. I was sitting there, and they were telling us to focus on whatever we had to focus on, but all those thoughts kept coming into my mind. I’m thinking to myself, “I can’t stop thinking about them.”
That was still only the beginning. It wasn’t until I started studying it deeply. Part of it was through my first certification with the Wholistic NeuroGrowth Learning Success Coach program. It wasn’t until then that I realized, “This has to be learned. It doesn’t happen naturally. You have to practice.” That’s what I started to do. I started to practice it, and I came up with my own little strategies.
When those thoughts come in, I picture them on a shelf, and then I dump the shelf. I see them on the shelf, I turn them over, and then I get rid of them. You focus back on whatever it is that you’re focusing on. I started with a few strategies like that. They will creep back in until you perfect it. When you perfect it, that’s when you get to the point where you’ll know the feeling. You know that anchor feeling. You get there, and you can stop it. That’s another thing. People think it’s an instant fix. It isn’t. It’s work.
People think overcoming anxiety is an instant fix, but it’s work.
That’s what I always say in all of the lives I do and everything. People always say, “This works for me. Try this. It’ll work for you.” I can try, but I don’t know if it’s going to work for me because it worked for you. We give these blank statements. It is going to work for you, but I’m a different person. You are a different person. I like how you took it. I like the shelf analogy. Do you leave the shelf to get full, or do you push them off the minute something comes on the shelf?
If this happens to a lot of people at night when they go to sleep, that’s when all those thoughts start to come up. I visualize the shelf, and one by one, things start going onto that shelf. I say, “This is not happening,” and then I knock it all off. I was teaching this to my son at one point because I mentioned the whole conversation with him. We had a ball because he kept saying, “Mom, everything’s coming back.” I said, “Dump it off.” We were laughing. I was like, “Knock it off the shelf.” What works for me may not work for him. He may have to find another way to do it.
By sharing, he would get another idea that would work for him. He’d be like, “It worked for my mom. How can I adjust this to work for me, in a way?” Some people even have to burn it. Some people even have to wash it away. There has to be more of a stronger anchor for some people. Pushing off means power to you, but for me, the pushing off will come back. I’m that type of person. For me, I have to do something with that information.
I like letting a lot of things go in the river. They always say that whatever the river takes away, it carries away. I love that. Burning it is something else. I am anchoring it so that I don’t think about it again. These things can preoccupy us 24/7. It keeps you stuck, rethinking about it. I like that you said you’re pushing yourself to do things that you would never do before. Why do you think you are trying that? Is that because of where you’re at in your stage? Why is that?
Embracing Imperfection: Why Taking Risks Fuels Growth
Part of it is all through the work that we’ve been doing. When I was a child, I wasn’t afraid to do anything. I felt like I could do anything. Nobody could tell me I couldn’t do it. I could do it. If I put my mind to it, it was going to be done. Once you get older and you’re in school, people judge and people say things. Right away, I noticed I started retreating because I wasn’t perfect. If I couldn’t do it perfectly, I wasn’t doing it. I wasn’t going to try it. I realized that over all those years, I could redo all that. I could have developed so many more things in my life than I have, but instead, I backed off from them. Part of it was the anxiety and the judgment. I realized I labeled myself in those cases because I wasn’t perfect.
I realize I’m not letting that happen anymore. I know that if I put myself in a situation, I need to get through it. Even if I get through the first two steps and something happens, I figure it out. I work it out. What’s the worst that’s going to happen? If I make a fool out of myself, I laugh. I’m like, “It was a silly moment. I tried. I put myself out there. I give myself credit.” I’m putting myself in that position. I’m not feeling the anxiety that I was feeling, even doing this because I didn’t like being in the spotlight.
Where do you think, “I have to be perfect if I do it,” came from?
That’s all part of it, too. My mom will probably kill me if she reads this, but she has very high expectations. Through our discussions, because we have had many, when she grew up, the same happened to her. There’s the family system. This went down through the generations. I realized that it wasn’t her. She had to be perfect.
She would tell me stories. She was beautiful and had blonde curls and everything. She had to look perfect. She had to be clean. Everything had to be perfect. I’m sure it certainly affected her. She took some of that with her. It felt like no matter what I would do, there would always be something that I could have done better. Through a discussion, we realized that. It’s something that we can move forward from.
Perfection is a big part of everyone’s problem. All of us have it. A little bit or less, we have it. It’s somewhere in the corner of it. It is keeping us hostage. With your parents, first of all, if they have it, you will have it because they’re always going to talk to you in that way. They’re like, “Do this,” and then you do it, and then they’re like, “That’s not perfect. Do it again.”
You get to this idea that there has to be this 1 product or 1 situation that’s perfect. You’re like, “I have to meet my parents’ expectations because then, then I get to be loved. Sometimes, we associate being perfect and doing what they want to be loved. We associate that with love. More importantly, the perfect also comes from our school system, where we have to get everything perfect. We’re celebrated when we get perfect.
You’re looking for that approval, whether it be from your parents or your teachers.
That’s a long time that we are in a school system where we are trying every single day to be perfect. How many times did the teacher come to you and say on your test or something, “You got it wrong. Interesting. Why did you answer it like this?” There’s nothing like that. It’s either wrong or right. If we could analyze the thought behind their choosing that answer, that child or the person will learn way more if we could ask them that one question.
It’s like, “It’s interesting you chose that. Can you explain to me why you think that’s the right one?” I find that a lot of the perfection comes from us being fourteen years in the school system, which keeps telling us, “You’ve got to get the perfect marks.” Anybody who’s getting perfect, they’re the people that everyone likes.
They say, “They’ll be successful. If you’re not, you’re not going to be successful.”
Redefining Success: Beyond Grades And Societal Expectations
That’s right. Everyone can be successful no matter what. Some people have dropped out of school, and they’re successful. We can go into the conversation of what success is. To whom am I successful? A billionaire would say, “I’m not successful.” I can look at the billionaire and say, “He’s not successful because he might not have the freedom that I have and the joy that I enjoy.” Whose point of view are we looking at success from?
We both come from the school system as teachers as well. That puts a lot of pressure on the perfect part. Tell me. You came into our program as a Wholistic NeuroGrowth Learning Success coach. You’re Blocks to Flow licensed and certified. What is it that you love about the Blocks to Flow that you know you can offer your clients?
I am so excited because I feel like this was the missing link. I’m already offering, and I’m already hearing feedback. One of the things that you said that’s not just for the students, but the parents as well, is the way we speak to whether it be our students or children. I’m working with one family. I gave the mom scenarios, like, “If this happens, say this. Don’t say it this way. Say it this way.” I gave her a sheet with all the different scenarios on it. She responded to me and told me that she had a little difficulty one night. She said, “I used what you gave me. It was very helpful.”
I’m so happy that I can help these children who have been stuck. They haven’t been able to move forward. I can get parents on board as well. We’re on this mission. We have all these children who will succeed, who may not have been able to. It is being able to offer that in such a custom and holistic way that we do.
An eye-awakening thing between the holistic coaching and the Blocks to Flow was how all our systems affect us as well. That was a piece that we didn’t quite hit the way we are with the Blocks to Flow. We don’t realize it. One of the first things I did was analyze myself. That was part of your program. I retired from teaching after 33 years. I threw all the stuff that I thought was important into my back room, but I couldn’t work that way.
I started with a few students here and there, dabbling in different things, and it was so unorganized. I took a break, stopped doing everything, and started to set up my space. I said, “I’m only going to take out what I need. That’s it. I don’t need all this other stuff from my classroom.” I already started. It’s not done yet because I have other things on my agenda that I’m planning on doing to make it even better.
The environment was the system that I recognized. It was the family and the perfectionism. Something that you said, which would help all children in our program, is, “It doesn’t have to be perfect. Be there. Show up. Do it.” Nobody said that to me growing up. It was always, “It has to be perfect.” When I heard that, it was almost like, “Yeah,” and then I thought to myself, “Why have I not done that?” You think of all the people who are successful. They do that. They jump in there. Whatever happens, happens.
Take imperfect steps, learn from them, and make them perfect. That’s why I say perfect all the time. I use the word perfect every time. If somebody says something, I’m like, “Perfect,” because all is perfect. Everything is perfect.
I went to Lake George over the summer, and I watched a young girl. She’s a very strong athlete. She’s a pitcher on a college team and in high school. She decided to try water skiing for the first time. She’s athletic, but the first time she got on the water ski, she landed right on. I had a boat right next to where she was, and she was like, “I’m doing one more time. If I can’t do it, I’m not doing it.” I’m thinking, “That’s not what we do. She can do it. We know she can do it.”
She got up on the water skis. The next time, she stood a little bit, and then she fell. I said, “You’re not giving up, are you?” She’s like, “NoI’m going to try it again. I’m going to try it one more time.” Believe it or not, by the third time, she was up and moving. It was not perfect. It took everything out of her to do that, but I said, “That’s how learning works.” You may fall on your face the first time. The second time, you may get a little bit. I thought that was a perfect example of what we do and how we have children move forward.
That’s how learning works—you may fall on your face the first time, but you get a little better the next.
Unlearning The Need To Be Perfect: A Personal Journey
What was the hardest pattern or belief to unlearn as you were transitioning? What was the hardest part or belief you needed to unlearn?
It was the being perfect for me because I would not even attempt it.
You were paralyzed by the thought of trying something if it’s not perfect.
I’ll tell you how it affected me. This is how I understand because we know physically how it affects us. I was playing a game in front of a million people. We had to do simple multiplication, but I was on the spot. I was against another person. My brain went blank slate. I couldn’t remember. I went, “Oh my gosh.” I saw all these people looking at me, and it was gone.
Now I know what that was and why it was. It was probably around that 30 or 40-something age that I was going through all that stuff. Guess what I did after that? I didn’t volunteer anymore because I said, “I’m not putting myself in that spot to embarrass myself. They’re going to think I don’t know my multiplication table.”
I am good at math, but if somebody challenges me, because my dad always challenges me to learn things, I get triggered. Sometimes, I won’t even know what 9 times 9 is. I’m like, “What is wrong with you? You do calculus and all these hard math problems.” It’s because of fear. When fear takes over, you’re blank. Everything becomes blank.
It’s not the skill. It’s not your talent. It’s not that you’re not smart. Your brain’s going to go into survival mode. It’s triggered. It’s not going to be like, “Let’s now figure this out,” because it doesn’t have that energy anymore. I have that, too. I cannot be quizzed, challenged, or people telling me, “Tell me now. Tell me this.” If someone starts pressuring me, I’m like, “I’m not playing that game.”
I volunteered for that. After we started learning what we were learning, we did another thing. There was a whole group of people in this big room. We were on the computer. They gave us a quiz, and it was all on technology. I happened to be the math and science technology coordinator prior to that. I was on my computer, and I felt that anxiety. I felt it because I know how it felt. I could almost feel shaking inside.
I blocked everybody out, and I said, “I’m not in a competition. I’m just going to answer the questions.” I became mindful. I looked at the questions and blocked everybody out. Guess who came in first place? It was me. My name popped up on the big screen. If I had not known what I knew, I probably wouldn’t have tried my best. I would’ve panicked. I would’ve answered the question slowly. That wasn’t the case.
That’s why even with the students we work with, if you say, “This is now test time or quiz time,” we hear a lot of students tell us, “I knew everything, but I went blank. I studied everything, but I didn’t know anything on that test. I couldn’t even put my pencil down to write something down on the paper.” That’s because they do know.
Sometimes, people think, “You didn’t study. You’re making it up.” I did study. Do you know how many of us are scared of the clock under pressure? The clock becomes like a ticking bomb. You look at that and go, “It’s going.” We never practice under a clock. We don’t do tests or exams. That’s what I do with all my students. The same student who did all the same questions I would give them, and I would put the timer on, they’re not able to move. Their brain is like, “The timer’s going. I have ten more minutes. I have five more minutes.” They’re reading the clock. They’re not focused on the work at all.
That pressure does wipe everything off. That’s a real problem. Our education system doesn’t help us go through those stages. That’s a real part of learning. How do we manage our brains when we’re put under the stress of time and the stress of knowing the material? We don’t help our students. That should be part of education, so we can all practice. Practice is what makes perfect, right?
Having the student feel safe to practice is huge, so that when they are in that environment, they know what to do. I mentioned earlier that you don’t tell somebody to do something and they do it. It has to be practiced.
You don’t just tell somebody to do something and they just do it. It has to be practiced.
The Blocks-To-Flow™ Method: A Holistic Approach To Learning And Life
With the Blocks to Flow, we don’t even touch the content because there are so many systems that are blocked in this way. There’s no point in practicing timetables when I know you are constantly fighting your own system. It’s blocking you that there’s no point. That’s amazing. Thank you for sharing that. There are lots of conversations about education because we both love talking about that. Where did you feel it in your body as you were unblocking? I know you shared about your back and your jaw. How are they now?
They are so much better. It’s starting to become more automatic where I say to myself, “I should be feeling nervous or stressed right now, but I’m not.” It’s almost like a very light feeling. That sail is finally catching the wind, and I’m able to pull through. I’m not feeling that tightness that I was feeling. That’s what I was doing. I was tightening everything. That’s what was causing some of the back, the jaw, and all of that.
What do you do daily so that you stay in flow?
I try to exercise. That’s very important. I do practice breathing. Anytime I feel stressed about anything, it may not be holding the flower. It’s making sure that I’m getting my breath. I do that. Exercise is important. I noticed if I don’t do that, I do feel differently. I’m also trying to balance my life. It’s not all work and play. I try to fit a little bit of everything in. That is also helpful.
You’re mindful of designing your days. If your younger self could witness you now, what do you think they would notice first?
How brave I am now.
You are not looking for that perfect of anything, right?
I’m taking risks, at least what I think is a risk.
Is it a risk, or are you living your life?
Both. That little girl who could do anything is saying to me, “You’re finally back. What took you so long?”
You were that person, and then you went into keeping yourself paralyzed by this notion of, “I have to be perfect.”
I don’t want other people to do that. I want them to know that they can do it. You could be so much.
Let’s talk about that. Why did you say, “I don’t want other people to do it.”
I feel like I wasted so much time. I could have moved so much further in my life if I had let myself be free and feel free enough and safe enough to try things. It’s not always easy because you have other people judging you who don’t understand, but you have to get past that. You have to get through that. That’s all part of what I hope to do for other people.
I realized this about judgment. I shared it with you earlier, but let’s share it with the readers. Judgment is something that we think other people are doing, but most of the time, if you are a judger or you judge, you think other people are judging. I had to realize that it was me who needed to let this go. I was doing it way more than anyone else did.
I would project my idea of that onto another person, like, “They must be thinking this, too.” I have no idea if they’re thinking or not, but my brain says, “They must be thinking this.” I had to tell myself, “You’re not that special. Everyone you think is thinking about you, they’re not thinking about you because they have better things to think about.” We always make these stories as we are the center of the other person’s life, but they have their own thing going on. They’re not going to be thinking about us.
When I realized it stems from me, it gave me power back to stop it, first of all, and let it go. I did a ceremony to let go. Right after that, I was fine with being who I am. I don’t even care what other people think anymore because it’s none of my business. If they’re thinking, that’s good for them. Keep thinking. I need to do what’s right. If you’re doing what’s right, you don’t need to worry about what other people start thinking. People are going to think whatever. Judgment is a big one. Your younger self will see you as brave, doing things, living your life. If our audience, who is tuning in, could take one simple action to be in alignment and flow, what would it be? What action can they take?
The Power Of Awareness: Your First Step Towards Alignment And Flow
The first thing you should do is start to be aware. Be aware of when you’re not in flow. When you’re not in flow, start to be aware of what’s happening when you’re not in flow. That’s the first step to moving forward. It is being aware. When you get that feeling when you stop doing something or when you feel overwhelmed, awareness is the first step. They should practice identifying. Once you achieve that, then you can begin with alignment.
Let’s help them. What does awareness mean? What am I supposed to be aware of? Sometimes, we use words. Other people who have not been there will be like, “What am I supposed to be aware of? I’m aware that I’m in a room right now, but what does awareness look like?”
It could be those uncomfortable feelings, whether it’s tightness or whether you feel like fleeing or leaving. You don’t want to be there. You start to ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way? What’s making me feel this way?”
Also, you talked earlier about that shelf. When you sit down by yourself, or when you’re going to bed, or you’re lying on the bed, and all these things start stacking in front of you, become aware of those. Why are they repeatedly being put on that shelf? Where’s that stemming from? Why is it coming back? For you, probably at that time, perfectionism was coming up so much for you. Everything you touched had to be perfect. That is awareness.
I do tend to be perfect with everything I need to do. Perfect is impossible to achieve. Therefore, I’m not going to even try, which means that I’m not even going to do what I need to do. I am keeping myself very protected over here, but I’m not trying things because I need to be perfect. Knowing that, even if you don’t do anything, now you know why you’re not doing things through that awareness. You’re like, “I know I’m not doing things because I told myself I have to be perfect.”
You can then talk to yourself, like, “Do I need to be perfect? Whose expectation is this? Who placed this? Why am I holding myself from trying everything that’s coming to me in the name that I have to be perfect?” That is the awareness. What is repeatedly showing up for you? How are you around other people? How are you in your daily life? Do you tell yourself, “I’m going to go to the gym,” and never go to the gym? That’s awareness. You’re setting yourself up for some success, but then you’re also setting yourself up for failure.
I’ve done that for many years. I would set myself to go, but I don’t go. I’ll have a pity party afterwards by myself because I didn’t do what I did. Now, I have built a habit that I can’t stop going. I needed to come to the awareness that I was a liar to myself about the gym. That was a lie that I didn’t want to go. That’s the awareness.
To those of you who are reading, when Coach Maria is talking about awareness, be aware of what’s happening in your life. Where are you telling yourself lies? Where are you telling yourself something and not going through with it? Those are things that you are beating yourself up over day after day. Those are the things that she said come on that shelf at the end of the night. Awareness is part of our 5A system or program. The first is Awareness. Until we’re aware of what we’re doing, there’s no change. It’s not going to change. It happened to you as well at 30. That’s the biggest awareness. It’s the one that started all of this.
The first thing I started doing was talking to my brain. I started saying, “Wait a minute. You can do this. Do that first step.” That’s how I started, but it took more than that. That’s when you can start building on that once you’re aware you have the problem. I wasn’t aware. I just thought my back was going out, and it was. That was a real thing.
What was the most important thing about learning the Blocks to Flow method for your business? What do you feel like the most important thing that shifted for you in your business?
In working with students, tutoring, and doing holistic coaching and the Blocks of Flow, it opened up a whole new door. You don’t realize how many things can affect the learning of a child. They are things that a lot of people dismiss. They think, “That’s not going to help.” When you learn about it the right way, you see that that’s what’s creating the whole problem to begin with. If we set somebody up for success and get rid of all those blocks, they can’t fail. There’s nowhere to go but up. I’ve never seen it approach this way.
Remove the block and then learn whatever you want to learn. It’s beautiful. It sounds like it’s the order of operations. It’s the way to do it. It makes sense. It’s been done the wrong way. That’s why we all end up personally developing ourselves in the age of 30s and 20s. Late into our 60s, we’re still learning how to live with ourselves because we haven’t learned what the order of operations of life is. There’s an order here, and we go against it. I know you offer coaching. If you want to get in contact with Coach Maria, she offers coaching in the Blocks to Flow. You can directly connect with her. In the end, we always do this. Finish this sentence for me. Flow is?
Being able to do anything you put your mind to.
I love it. Do it. One word that describes you when you are in flow.
Peace.
I love it. One practice that instantly helps you return to flow and alignment.
Breathing.
A lot of our coaches say breathing on our show. We do it all the time, and we forget that we have it available to us. It’s the way that we slow it down, we start counting, and we start smelling the flower, as you taught us. All of that makes us grounded. It sets you back. It’s like a reset. We have a natural reset available to me anytime, and we don’t use it. Thank you.
I noticed, too, that when I get nervous, I speak very fast, which means I’m not taking in that oxygen. That’s part of why breathing is important to me. It is to slow myself down and get those breaths.
One Truth For Flow: You Are Capable Of Anything
What is one truth you wish everyone knew about learning, living, and leading in flow?
I’m going to go back to what I was saying before, and that’s that you can do it. People think they can’t do things. You can. It’s something that I tell my students all the time. I say, “Don’t ever think you can’t do it.”
Don’t ever think you can’t do it.
Everyone’s capable, but there are blocks that hold us back differently. We need to find out how those blocks are holding us and how extreme they are. It’s a scale. It’s like a spectrum. Some people have it very much gripped. In your case, perfectionism was gripping you around your neck. It was choking you into everything that happened to you, but when you realized and that awareness came, everything shifted. Thank you for being part of our mission to serve 1.5 million humans before 2035. Thank you for being part of that. If you want to reach out to Coach Maria, I’m going to leave all her information. Anything else you want to leave to our readers?
Be hopeful. Know that you’re not alone. There is help. Don’t wait. Do it. Look for help so that you can move forward. Don’t do what I did. Live your life and enjoy it.
What I learned from your story is to listen to your body. You were getting a lot of these signals. Listen to your body and don’t ignore it. Become aware. You talked about that shelf thing that you shared with us. That is the awareness. It’s like, “I got these things coming up. I’m going to get rid of it.” Sometimes, we might have to visit those. I talk about it like doors. We go and visit those doors to see, “Why does this door keep coming back and opening and closing on me? I need to finish this business here.” Thank you for sharing, and thank you for being here.
Thank you. My pleasure.